What part of me is genetically Finnish and what I learned socially by growing up in America

I was born in North Carolina, USA to Finnish parents. My parents moved to the States from Helsinki because of my father’s career when my older sister was a 2-year old in the 1970’s. They ended up staying in the country longer than expected, and continue to live there to this day.

I learned Finnish through hearing my parents speak to one another and from occasional meetings with our relatives. We would travel to Finland on summer holidays every few years to see family. But as soon as I entered school, English language took over my speech.

I was a very ‘Finnish’ child. I was shy and refused to smile to strangers or to a camera. This was a bit hard to explain to inquisitive Americans; people would often ask my mom if I was ill or upset. In school I was very shy and socially, I bloomed comparatively late to my American classmates. I was considered anti-social perhaps. I was also very close to my parents and maybe subconsciously preferred their behavior and demeanor. My older sister, on the other hand, had a sort of different experience with her American childhood. Perhaps because she came to the States as a 2-year old Finnish child, or because of personality differences in us, she really wanted to fit in with the ways of the American kids, in order to survive those years. She has much more embraced American culture than I.

Growing up, I was always stubbornly myself, and a true introvert. It wasn’t until I separated from home, went to University, and made new friends, who, maybe being of a higher maturity level could understand that a shy person, like myself at the time, was worth getting to know. And then, in turn, I loosened up and learned from friends that it’s okay to be goofy and to hang out with people even in a sort of superficial way. Who cares; life is short anyway. I just blossomed from there and have had wonderful relationships since then. I lived in New York City, met and made friends with people from all over the globe. I’ve traveled a lot and often felt more at home in European cities than in the States.

I moved to Helsinki a year ago out of curiosity, convenience, and a result of being bored of NYC and USA-living altogether. This year has been revelatory for me in many ways. Now I really understand better that the reason for my anti-social behavior as a child, was because I am Finnish. I rejected the American social habits initially… but now, I have to say that I am really glad that I was raised in the States. Now, I almost reject the shyness here because I feel like I’m regressing back to that behavior that I got over as an adolescent. In another way, I really appreciate the familiarity that exists here among Finns… something I always missed in America and didn’t even know it. People there are raised to be social, always around others, and working in groups. It is almost looked down on to be alone there. I do feel much more at home here because naturally I choose to be alone often.

Also, although I live here now, I try to speak Finnish, and would like to have more Finnish friends, it seems that most of my friends are still foreigners. I feel like I can’t be completely my sort-of-goofy-American-self when speaking Finnish; somehow it just doesn’t translate. I’ve talked to other part-Finnish, part-foreign people with similar frustrations. I have these conversations everyday it seems. Generally, it takes a long time to be ‘warmed up’ and ‘accepted’ by Finns. My relatives here are the same way. It’s taken a long time to become a part of their very routine-driven lives. I find a lack of spontaneous warmth in Finland. There is a general guardedness that is somewhat suffocating… but in other ways you get used to it and start to go along with that behavior yourself. I think over time perhaps I will figure out how to overcome that barrier with people here. After all, I do understand it because I was always the same way, and sort of unapproachable.

My parents, also, have changed as a result of their time in America. Now, when they come to Finland, they of course love and appreciate it here, but feel a bit foreign to the social habits. I’ve observed that, unlike, my relatives here, my immediate family is much closer, more spontaneous, and laugh more. If we had stayed as a family in Finland, I’m very sure that I would still be very shy and reserved.

There is very little room for social behavior change here. I notice it slowly changing though, as more foreigners visit and move here, and also as Finns move and travel abroad. Most Finns who have lived elsewhere, I’ve noticed, are a bit different.

All cultures have their own social habits. Some cultures, like Finland, have culturally been more isolated and therefore, slower to grow and change. I think all of this is a combination of genetic, environmental, and historic elements. I still can’t say for sure… but I’m sure there’s something in out genes…

Orvokki Halme
9.8.06